The Agony of Eros: Dating

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The real thing people should be actively looking for is strong emotional connection, as in: to what degree can I share who I am with this person, do they get it, how interested are they in who I am, my feelings and thoughts, can we accommodate each other’s preferences, are we good at talking
When I was in my late teens or early 20s I would sometimes be in the early stages of dating someone and feel like there was a glass wall between us, I just didn’t really get them, I didn’t know what they wanted from me, and it was so hard for me to have any clarity about who they really are. But I would be like, well, objectively this person is hot and smart and cool. So why wouldn’t I want to date them? Answer: because you can’t really talk to them, dumbass.
Some of that disconnect was due to compatibility, but some of it was due to my own bad communication. It takes so much practice to get good articulating the deep sentiment behind the shallow one.
But I think it’s only when we’re able to communicate the precise observation, the actual feeling, that we can make real progress.But it’s hard, it’s so hard, because we’re not taught how to ask hard questions of both ourselves and others.

rw-book-cover

The real thing people should be actively looking for is strong emotional connection, as in: to what degree can I share who I am with this person, do they get it, how interested are they in who I am, my feelings and thoughts, can we accommodate each other’s preferences, are we good at talking
When I was in my late teens or early 20s I would sometimes be in the early stages of dating someone and feel like there was a glass wall between us, I just didn’t really get them, I didn’t know what they wanted from me, and it was so hard for me to have any clarity about who they really are. But I would be like, well, objectively this person is hot and smart and cool. So why wouldn’t I want to date them? Answer: because you can’t really talk to them, dumbass.
Some of that disconnect was due to compatibility, but some of it was due to my own bad communication. It takes so much practice to get good articulating the deep sentiment behind the shallow one.
But I think it’s only when we’re able to communicate the precise observation, the actual feeling, that we can make real progress.But it’s hard, it’s so hard, because we’re not taught how to ask hard questions of both ourselves and others.